My recovery from schizofrenia and depression

angry man

My story begins in my early years when I was young. I had a great live. When I was 10, I was very bad boy. Did not make homework or learn lessons. I got hold back a class in the 4th Then  I went to a other school professor Gunning in Den Haag , Netherlands.. I got serious and start learning. I had a lot of friends and a girlfriend. We had a lot of fun. But when I was 12, my parents moved to Zoetermeer. And I had to leave all my friends. I had no contact no more with then till now. I med them at the reunion.

In school in Zoetermeer I had low grades and was struggling. I went to high school De Brug LBO electrotechnics in Zoetermeer,  level C (near Mavo). It was hard and I did my homework daily. I med new friends and had fun. Also got a new girlfriend the love of my life. I had it all. Then I went to college Anthon Rossdorff MBO electrotechnics in Den Haag, Netherlands. My Girlfriend supported me all the way. And I did not helped her with her problems. She had trouble with her parents. I didn’t see her problems. It was all about me. I was arrogant en self-centered. We broke up. I cried for days and started drinking. That was my pitfall I was an alcoholic. I got my MBO diploma with good grades. And wanted to study more…

So I went to University. HTS Rijswijk electrotechnics. I started the year partying. Drink lots of beer and did not study. Then it went downhill. I got not concentrate and got bad grades. I tried for 2 years then I gave up and went working in the business where I had my internship Deerns Raadgevende Ingenieurs.

I started working there in 1990  as a draftsman en in the years followed I became A technician in electrotechnics. But my concentration went worse. I party every weekend and stayed up all night drinking and years later doing drugs (coke, XTC, LSD). My work didn’t suffer over it but I was feeling that I was getting worse. Sometimes I heard voices of see unusual things. I thought it was the drugs, now I know better… I Thought maybe Study would help en I went to a night course HTS Rijswijk  Business. But it was hard working, studying and partying. At some point I got a change to go to Jakarta for my job. I stopped partying, drinking and drugs. And worked daily in Jakarta. But I had a fallback and once I did drugs there. It was so worse that I desisted never to do drinking and drugs again. I had a long vacation and relaxed.

When I came home in 1995 I still did not feel good. I had a lot of fear that people wanted me to do drugs again and thought that’s people were doing drugs in my coffee etc. I avoided all people and joined scientology to help me with my drug problems and study problems. They welcome me and I followed a course on communication. It was so good that I trust people again. But I did not know that I had a psychiatric disease and depression and that there were people to help me or tests.. But I knew I was not happy. So I said to myself: “I’ll buy my way in to scientology, so they obligated to help me in worse times”. I sold my car and paid them 30.000 gulden (about 15.000 euro/dollar)

The next two years I worked hard and in weekends I went to church doing exercises and learning lessons about my business how to get ahead in management. I worked hard an didn’t party of do drinking and drugs. But my symptoms got worse I had more voices and was seeing things. And everybody (family and work) was saying how bad scientology was and they were the problem. But scientology saying my family and work was the problem. I Didn’t know what to do. I almost killed myself and my boss said that I must see a psychiatrist.

In scientology I learned that they were bad. And I didn’t want to do drugs or medicine. But he convinced me that I had schizophrenia and depression. I took the pill (4mg risperdal and 20mg Prozac) and feel better. I Didn’t have fear of things anymore or voices in my head. It felt good. I wrote scientology to give me my money back because I had a disease and the paid me 15.000 gulden (7000 euro/dollar). With that money I bough A motor and a few days later I had an accident and lost it.

At that time I was 27 and still lived with my parents till I was 30 then I decided I was strong recovered and went living on my own. It went good and I worked volunteer. It felt so good that I had a girlfriend. Everything went my way. I had my Own home, a girlfriend, a job I was thinking that’s I was not sick and wanted to stop medication.  I talked it over with my psychiatrist and he agreed. I did not see anything until I was very in to God and starting to collect many things. A year later I had a vision and head voices. This time a second psychoses. They locked me up. It was terrible. My girlfriend left me and I was much worse than the first time.

But they made a mistake and gave me only medication for schizophrenia. I was depressed for 5 years but until 2008 I realize it and got medicine (20mg Prozac).

At that time  I started to do a lot of things again. Became a DJ and blogger and start night school 2 days a week and study ICT MBO at home. And be a trained expert on GGZ to help others and learn o lot of myself. How I things and what my capabilities are. Now I have control over again over my life. I read a lot of self-help books, -sides. Such as NLP and  RET and “5G-schema” in the GGZ. I trained myself daily to do exercise and weekly do my administration and keep a journal of my feelings.

Now I work as consultant/blogger at STIPzoetermeer Reakt. And have a  WAO benefit. My goal is to work for 20 hours a week and be paid. (set your Goals  @, and be cheered by others by facebook and lots of suc6!).  If I realize that I go and work whole days with maximum of 40- hours a week. I learned that I have to do a lot of fun things and think positive about life.

I want to beat the schizophrenia and depression any help /idea’s are  welcome.

My profile is on Hope to meet new people to help me get a job in Zoetermeer in the ICT branch.


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